Lydia is off her rocker
by KahnShao
Summary: dedicated to Baby Fawn a one shot story where Lydia is off her rocker. How will her Thane, Ki'Rana deal with this? rated M for strong content. I own nothing except for my OC Ki'Rana who is based off my elder scrolls game. only my game character doesn't deal with stupidity to well.


**Lydia is off her rocker**

Dedicated to Baby Fawn

The Khajiit female known as Ki'Rana was on her way to see the Jarl of Whiterun Balgruuf. She saw the mighty Jarl sitting on his throne lazily with his loyal Housecarl Irrilith a dumner. The woman's eyes bored into the Khajiit's golden ones and the Khajiit stared straight back. She approached the Jarl and bent down on one knee showing respect. "I have slain the dragon my Lord as you have asked." Balgruuf's eyes registered slight surprise. Such manners for a khajiit. He nodded. "So you did. And as part of the agreement, I hereby give you title Thane of Whiterun, the Breezehome dwelling complete with furnishings, and Lydia your housecarl." Ki'Rana rose to her feet and nodded in thanks. As she turned she saw her new housecarl. The woman was slightly shorter than her and a nord woman from the way she dressed. Her dark long hair pretty complection and curvaceous body was definitely sight to behold.

"Hello Lydia, my name is Ki'Rana. Pleased to meet you." The khajiit woman held out her hand and Lydia took it into hers and sniffed it. Then she smiled. "I am Lydia your housecarl. I am sworn to carry your burdens and protect you and what you own with my life. Except litterboxes." Lydia replied in greeting. Ki'Rana blinked at her housecarl. "uhhh…ok then…" Ki'Rana replied. She and Lydia left. Along the way Lydia decided to entertain herself on the way home. "Yhghghgdhfghkhfhghkdljf!" Lydia bellowed causing the Khajiit to jump straight up her dark fur standing on end. "What the hell?" Ki'Rana yelped. Lydia laughed and grabbed the khajiit's ears flipping them inside out. "Old man ears on the cat." Lydia howled. Ki'Rana backed away. "Quit it Lydia." Ki'Rana hissed. Lydia was not done yet. "Do you have an applecore butt?" Lydia asked seriously. The khajiit female looked at Lydia. "What?! No! my backside is not of an apple what do you mean?" she asked instantly regretting asking because as soon as the words left her mouth she felt her tail being lifted and Lydia bending down to look. "Ewwww…you do. Your ass is all shrivled and wrinkly like a housecat's butt. And….ewwwww you got a ka-ka ring. Ewwwwwwwaaaah!" Ki'Rana grabbed her tail and leaned back from Lydia. "What the hell is wrong with you?" She snarled. "Rghghghghghdkghghgh!" was Lydia's reply. They went inside their new home. Lydia ran into the main living room and pulled her pants down. She made four plops and pissed next to them. "Hey this one looks all ropey. And since when did I have corn? Hey do Khajiit's stomp when they come into season?" Lydia asked her eyes wide with excitement. Ki'Rana facepalmed herself.

'She is damned insane. What the hell did I get into?' Ki'Rana thought to herself. Lydia ran into one of the bedrooms and grabbed a pillow in her mouth and began shaking it like a dog does to its favorite toy. "Grgrgrgrgrgrgrgrhghghgh!" Lydia muffled while drool flew in all directions. Ki'Rana went to grab at the pillow and pulled. Bad mistake. Feathers were everywhere. Lydia grabbed ahold of the khajiit woman's hand and licked it. "Ahhhhhh you nasty Lydia!" Ki'Rana yelled. "Hey if you ever have an itchy ass take a washcloth and scratch it." Lydia suggested. It took considerable will power for Ki'Rana not to kill her housecarl right there on the spot. Lydia leapt at Ki'Rana pulling her lips back. "Hey you have no gaps. My cousin's cat has gaps." Ki'Rana pulled back. "Lydia you insane woman. Listen carefully. Do not touch me. Do not speak to me unless I speak to you first. Do you under-…" Ki'Rana stopped in mid sentence as a now naked Lydia was making her boobs clap by slapping them together. "hey I can clap with my tits!" Lydia said cheerfully. "wanna try?"

Ki'Rana ran out the door clearly terrified. Just her luck she would fall asleep and find that Lydia had shoved something up her butt or was trying something nasty with the poor khajiit. No, Ki'Rana was taking no chances. She ran as fast and as far as possible never even seeing the giant encampment until it was too late….

**Epilogue**

Ki'Rana opened her eyes to sovenguard. Where all the good people went regardless of their race or affiliation. Here there were Khaiit, Dumner, Altmer, Human, Orc, etc. all getting along and seemingly normal. The place itself was beyond beauty ever seen by mortals. Plenty of food. Ki'Rana sighed happily. 'I wasn't ready to die just yet…but at least im rid of that crazy Lydia. No sooner as she had gotten a drink from a friendly Altmer male she heard a familiar voice and sound.

It was very soft and faint at first but got louder: "ghghhghgghhgghhghdglgdhgh;lkhgjkgkhg!" The poor khajiit knewthat voice all too well. 'No! it can't be. _Please _don't let it be _her_.' She thought to herself. Slowly she turned around and saw a happy Lydia racing towards her shrieking nonsense. "I saw you die and then I was sad and went home but then remembered that my oath so I killed myself so we could be together forever and hey is your ass still shrivled?" Lydia turned to an orc woman. "My friend Ki'Rana? She has a wrinkly ass like a cat. I seen it cause I looked." The orc woman stared stunned. "YEEEEGHGHGHGHAHAHAH!" Lydia howled as she went flying into a dismayed khajiit. "Let's clap using our titties! But you probably have eight teats like a cat. So you can clap more." Lydia cheered.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ki'Rana howled in dismay.

"YEEEEEEEEEESSS! TITTY CLAP" Lydia howled back happily.


End file.
